Eat Shit And Die

Because it's toxic, duh.
Urine, however may have its beneficial properties.
While it is not entirely un-toxic (what with traces of alcohol, potassium, tons of sodium) some people believe it may give them the essentials they need to live a longer, stronger life.

The practice of drinking urine is called Urophagia. In India and China it is customary to ingest ones own urine for certain cosmetic purposes. In Ancient Rome it was sometimes used as a extra strength teeth whitener. The Roman poet Catullus writes:

Egnatius, because he has snow-white teeth, smiles all the time. If you’re a defendant in court, when the counsel draws tears, he smiles: if you’re in grief at the pyre of pious sons, the lone lorn mother weeping, he smiles. Whatever it is, wherever it is, whatever he’s doing, he smiles: he’s got a disease, neither polite, I would say, nor charming. So a reminder to you, from me, good Egnatius. If you were a Sabine or Tiburtine or a fat Umbrian, or plump Etruscan, or dark toothy Lanuvian, or from north of the Po, and I’ll mention my own Veronese too, or whoever else clean their teeth religiously, I’d still not want you to smile all the time: there’s nothing more foolish than foolishly smiling. Now you’re Spanish: in the country of Spain what each man pisses, he’s used to brushing his teeth and red gums with, every morning, so the fact that your teeth are so polished just shows you’re the more full of piss.

According the Nexus magazine: "Urine is not a dirty and toxic substance rejected by the body. Urine is a by-product of blood filtration, not waste filtration. Medically it is referred to as "plasma ultrafiltrate". It is a purified derivative of the blood itself, made by the kidneys--whose principal function is not excretion but regulation of all the elements and their concentrations in the blood. Urine can be compared to leftovers from a meal, and this metaphor may help us understand why our bodies excrete elements that are valuable to our health and well-being. "

If you're going to engage in this practice (DISCLAIMER: AMBER LINSKEY DOES NOT CONDONE THE DRINKING OF URINE, NOR WOULD SHE EVER DO IT HERSELF, SO DON'T BOTHER ASKING, YOU SICK FUCK) here are a few recommended items to ingest to enhance the [fucking disgusting] taste:

Artificial Sweetners: said to dissolve in the urine and give it a sweeter taste. This includes diet sodas. (Note: if the taste of sugar is detected in urine, and the pisser has not ingested artifical sweetners than the pisser may have diabetes)

Alcohol: said to cut the acidity

Miso soup: said to edge the saltiness

Curry: said to give the urine a spicy/sweet taste

Avoid:

Asparagus: it makes urine stinky

Excess Vitamins: can make the drinker ill

Cigarettes & Nicotine: yeah right

Follow these simple tips (?) and Urine Good Health!

Bird Boy Found in Russian Apartment

In Volograd, Russia authorites found a 7 year old boy whose mother had raised him on par with her 100's of domestic birds.
She did not physically or emotionally abuse the boy, but rather treated him exactly as though he were one of her winged pets.
However, she did not speak to him and the boy, having spent the majority of his life with the twitting sounds of many birds has apparently learned their language.
“When you start talking to him, he chirps”, says Galina Volskaya, a social worker in Volgograd.

When the boy realizes his human visitors cannot understand him, he flails his arms much in the manner that a bird would wave his wings.

He has spent most of his life living in a 2 room apartment full of cages and bird feces.

Authorites took the boy from his mother, who gave him up willingly, and he is now in a Russian asylum. He will soon be transferred to a center focusing on psychological care.
He is one of many children suffering from "Mowgli syndrome" taken from the a character in the Rudyard Kipling book, The Jungle Book. The story of a infant raised by wolves.

In recent times, however, children have been discovered living in the wild all across the world.

In the US, 2 girls were found having been raised by a pack of monkeys. Again in Russia, a 9 year old leads the head of a Wild Dog Tribe, and in Cambodia a 27 year old "Wild Woman" was found naked, living in the jungle.

*above photo by Timothy Cummings

Your Friendly Neighborhood Starbucks is Closing

Well, for all of 3 1/2 hours, that is.

CEO Howard Schultz ( that names sounds oddly familiar, right? ) has announced new standards in the espresso biz. He plans on re-engineering the entire employee base, including laying off a chunk of the 135,000 + employees.

Starbucks officials said the hiatus is geared toward "energizing partners and transforming the customer experience ... to provide a renewed focus on espresso standards that will help ensure the exceptional quality of every beverage,"

What does Amber Linskey have to say? Fuck Yeah!

Though the majority of Starbucks customers are unaware of the differences between a simple latte and a cappaccino, many 1000's of well informed coffee drinkers were outraged when the international chain switched to the Super Automatic Espresso Machine ( or as the hip kids call it, The Automatica ).

In this fashion, anyone can be a Barista.
Ten minutes with this machine and you're pumping out espresso shots that are individually measured, tamped and poured for you.

Kinda cheapens the ambience, eh?

What do you expect, though? A Chain that inflates so quickly can hardly support itself as far product goes, how can we expect them to find the means to properly train their employees. Good training takes diligence, which takes time and Starbucks was unleashing sister stores across cities around the Globe.

With the recent decline in the economy, and the ever burdening recession that we all seem to sliding into, Starbucks has had to close 1000's of their national stores.

This provides them with the perfect opportunity to implement their barista re-training program. Meanwhile, Where the hell are you supposed to go between 5:30 and 9 am?

Free Money

If you've always written ( like me )
and never tried to get paid for it ( like me )
yet have found yourself daydreaming of that 25,000 dollar publishers
contract these companies are sometimes apt to give out ( like..me.. )
Then Xomba is not the place for you.

However, if you like to jot down the things that irk you
interest you, alter you,
You can sign up and post them in tiny Xomblurbs and Xombytes and mass market them for any passerbys to see.

And you know what? Those google ads that would be there anyway, they give you money. Not a lot of money, until you figure some shit out.

But, pennies for your thoughts? Sounds good.

Xomba

I like it.

Two Girls Peeing

On March 20th I posted several short, badly made digital camera videos of my trip to New York on You Tube.

They were all 20-30 seconds of dim audio, dim lighting and shaking hands.

They were there for a few friends. Meant to show off my ultimate exhaustion in shorts like "New York Is Dead To Me."

Or, Boring smoke-break conversations like "Why God Hates Gabby".

I named them all accordingly with the exception of a 4 second clip taking place in a small restaurant bathroom in the East Village. I titled it 'Two Girls Peeing' and let it go at that.

While 'Two Girls Peeing' is actually an accidental recording by my dear friend Anna Bedsole it is, in fact, NOT two girls peeing. The clip is of one girl washing her hands and face post-peeing (me), and another girl in the midst of realization, noticing the little red record button.

However, of all the videos posted it has gained the most popularity, reaching over 250,000 views.

Sadly, "Twiggys New Water Dish" has only received 37 views.

And for you viewing pleasure, having gained the infamous search engine tags of MOONING GIRLS G STRING BARE BUM AND SEXY EVERYBODY. MOONING GIRLS G STRING BARE BUM AND SEXY, here it is: "Two Girls Peeing."

Virgin Blogger

I'm no stranger to internet diaries, cult followings, lurkers everywhere. I'm a product of the livejournal-myspace generation, and I spent a very involved part of my life writing about my day to day events in textual form, spliced with html.

Still, It having been sometime now, and this being the first catalogue of writings to actually call "Blog", I feel brand new.

So, Hello Big Bad World.
Don't be an asshole.
Welcome me back...

One Word At A Time